22nd of August, 2019.

I haven't been here in a while. Probably 'cause I have a journal now, the things written there are not pleasant to be posted anywhere. Anyways. Things are not good. It's always like that, I get my mind off from things, I get distracted, I can be good for a while but it always comes back...always. And it hits me hard. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared it will be like this for the rest of my life. And I really don't want that. It's terrifying to think that. I don't see myself in the future, and I don't think that I even want to. 

I am sad. And nobody knows. I put on my smile and I play pretend. Besides, during the time I'm with people, I am fine. It's when I'm alone that everything hits. 

I am tired. Really. I can't stand this feeling. I don't even know if therapy helps. I just wish I was dead. I wish I die soon. This is my wish on my birthdays. I wish I was brave enough to end it all. I wish I had no one so letting go wasn't that hard. Not that at the end of the end everyone just cares about themselves or, but you know, if you have no one, no one will get sad or depressed. Maybe there will be an accident and it won't be that bad for others....

I'm sad and tired.